Senior Master Sgt. Brede Emtman and his wife, Melody, spent time together at the 477th Air Force Reserve Group's Yellow Ribbon reintegration program Nov. 7. STAR PHOTO by NINA PEACOCK

For some of the soldiers in the Air Force Reserve Command's 477th Fighter Group, being deployed in Iraq was like being stuck in a prison.

"When you're there it's not a normal place. You're surrounded by concrete and barriers," Senior Master Sgt. Brede Emtman said. "We lived in the same area where we worked. ...It was always the same thing, day in, day out, day out and day in."

What a relief it was to return home.

"It was very long," he said of his six-month deployment when he returned to his family Sept. 13. "It's nice to get back, to resume life again, to try to get back in that pattern."

REALITY SETS IN

Reintegrating into normal life after a deployment, however, can come with a few hiccups.

Maj. William Coppernoll of U.S. Army Alaska, who returned from a 13-month deployment in Iraq in 2005, struggled with the transition. When he came home, he saw that his living room furniture had been rearranged, and he thought, "that's not where it's supposed to be," and so began moving it to where it was before he left.

But his wife had a different plan.

"She explained that she had made decisions while I was gone, because I wasn't there to make them," he said. That furniture was where it was supposed to be in her eyes, and Coppernoll acknowledged that he was wrong to assume that he should move them.

"You want to pick up where you left off, but the rest of the household has picked up and moved on," he explained. "It's me who has to catch up."

Reintegration means readjusting to a family that has learned how to live without its missing members, and it doesn't mean simply going back to the way things were.

To ease these transitional pains, in 2008 the Department of Defense implemented a nationwide program for military reservists and guardsmen called the Yellow Ribbon Reintegration program. At 30, 60, and 90 days after returning from deployment, reservists and guardsmen meet over a weekend to participate in workshops and learn about military resources that can aid them. Family members of the deployed 477th group also met 30 days before their return.

The 477th held its first post-deployment Yellow Ribbon event at Elmendorf Air Force Base on Nov. 7.

Capt. Erin Anderson, Yellow Ribbon Director for the 477th, explained the various workshops available to the reservists. Participants chose four of eight classes, dealing with such subjects as home life expectations, spirituality, protecting marriage, and reconnecting with children. Representatives from Air Force services such as the Military and Family Readiness Center taught the workshops.

In "Words with Meaning," taught by Bob Nelson and Dr. Marie Bateman of the Anchorage Vet Center, reservists discussed what they expected from returning home versus what actually occurred. Emtman's wife, Melody, spoke up.

The issue, she said, was their dogs. Melody was surprised by Brede's reaction every time the dogs started barking.

"He would just get so angry," she said. She had grown accustomed to their barks for a minute or two as a neighbor or dog passed nearby. But Brede tried to get them to quiet down, and this bothered her.

"This is what goes on. It's not the big things, it's the little things that can sink a relationship," Nelson responded. He told the class that married couples may do things differently, but that doesn't mean they don't love each other.

Bateman also showed how communication can change between couples during deployment. The Emtmans said they were limited to 15-minute phone conversations, and Brede avoided hard subjects over e-mail because a written e-mail can be easily misinterpreted. There would also be days at a time when Brede was unable to communicate with Melody.

Bateman said that because of their limited communication, they learned to edit their conversations, avoiding certain discussions or topics on purpose.

Melody agreed that when she spoke to Brede while he was deployed, she didn't share everything.

"I didn't want him worrying about everything," she said.

The problem can arise, Bateman said, when couples continue to edit their communication when their partner returns. The returning partner may seek greater communication with those he or she was deployed with or may seek communication online, rather than reconnecting with his or her spouse.

"I haven't asked about anything over there, what took place," Melody said. "I figured when he was ready to openly talk about it then he would tell me."

During Yellow Ribbon, they discussed some topics that they hadn't before. This was the first time that Brede heard his reaction to the dogs was bothering Melody. It also was the first time Melody heard some of Brede's stories about Iraq.

The biggest thing that has helped the couple with their reunion is the return of date night. They've been married for 11 years, and date night was always Friday.

"That was one thing I really missed," Melody said.

Brede was happy to have that Friday night to relax. "Yes," he quickly answered when asked if his job in Iraq was stressful. Supervising contractors in Iraq, he dealt with locals trying to rip him off, strange labels on equipment, faulty wiring that led to frequent electrical fires, and the language barrier.

He said the Yellow Ribbon program "kind of gives you a time-out to reassess where we're at - moving in the right course, still in the right directions, still doing the right things."

After six weeks back together, the couple has slowly recovered their comfortable companionship. They finished each other's sentences and joked about their dog-barking conflict. They said it's something they will work out.

"Things are not just going to happen overnight," Brede said. "It's going to take time."